Tuesday, November 23, 2010

New Lows

A couple weeks ago, I did something flat-out-stupid. I went to a complete stranger's apartment. Why?! you ask? Well, it was an invitation. Maybe I have a problem saying no?

It was a long day of hostessing and I got invited for a drink coincidentally the moment I was told I can go home. The customer who invited me out had chatted me up a couple times while checking out at my restaurant - and once to show me his blood-splattered Dexter costume. He also called me sexy when I was in my pirate costume at work. A little compliment like that had a great impact, it seems.

So I meet up with the customer & he says the drinks are at his house. I try to drag him into a local bar, but he is uncomfortable & we walk back out into the street. I forward the customer's info to my boyfriend in case of rape or murder. I feel so strongly that I should find some reason to cancel-any. But I seem to be in a trance and my legs are moving without my permission. My heartbeat seems missing, instead of thumping harder. I feel more like dead meat the closer I get to his apartment. Once inside, it didn't seem so strange. Door pull-ups & pullies. He gives me a quick tour and I make note of all the exits. I'm trying to keep a calm expression on my face. We have a little champagne, he made sure to open the bottle in front of me - and we talk about school, careers, work. I "inhale" as he says my pasta from work and it's time to go. He offered to give me a ride, but I said one thing at a time.

My boyfriend (of then a few days) was in shock, not upset at me, just in shock. I didn't feel any emotions or panic. It wasn't terribly interesting or exciting. This lack of emotions or extreme involved in this odd situation frightens me more than the scenario.

I've felt zombied out for a long, long time.

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